“We all came here to learn love”, this quote from Dr. Weiss’s book about past lives, stuck to my heart and head.
Love has many shades, it isn’t just black and white, good and bad, day and night. There are so many shades and colours in between. And only when we experience them all, we experience the richness and fullness of life.
Love is not something that happens to us, love is what we are. Love is what you are. It always starts within. Thus only when love ourselves, we can truly love others.
I know it may sound like a repeated slogan and it may be when we only talk and do not practice. Love is a state and we experience it through practice. Yet, what we say is very important. Words are the beginning and they are very powerful. Words program our mind and our subconscious. As what we say to ourselves, we say to others as well. What we say, we become, what we become, is how we act.
It is easy to love ourselves when we experience success, happiness, joy and everything goes well and smoothly. That is very easy for many reasons. All these are just our natural rights and states and they are those very sweet moments in life. We feel our inner power when we achieve what we want.
It is also easy because this is how we have been programmed as a society- success, achievement, productivity, fun is accepted by society. What we might not be aware of is that this is the expression of the masculine energy within us.
What we as a society have forgotten to embrace is the other side of life. The other side of love.
Do we love ourselves when we fail? Do we love ourselves when we do nothing? Do we love ourselves when we are angry, sad, frustrated? Do we love ourselves when we feel lost? Do we love ourselves when there is nobody else around when no one is watching? I believe we usually don’t.
Our failures are lessons and in fact, they are guidance. When we fail, it is not the end of the world, it is just a moment to reflect and revise- what am I doing right and what is not good for me anymore. What do I need to change, do differently, stop doing?
When we do nothing, we are in the void. We create a state of void. On the other side of nothing, there is everything. And in between these two states, which anyway are one, there is an infinite field of possibilities. When we are in the void, we are tapping into this infinite potential. And suddenly from nothing, we can sense that everything is possible. Because again, nothing is everything.
When we are angry, sad or frustrated, it is just information for us. Perhaps there are traumas to heal, perhaps we let our boundaries to be crossed, perhaps we miss a direction in life and don’t know what step to take.
When there is no one around and we don’t need to impress anyone, do anything to deserve to be loved, it is then when we learn to truly love ourselves. It is a state where there are no conditions. Where there are no conditions, unconditional love is.
And we have forgotten all this simply because as a society we have suppressed the feminine energy within us. The caring, loving, compassionate, patient side of our existence. So we push ourselves for more productivity and success, forgetting to relax, treat ourselves with love and compassion, reflect, connect with our body and just be.
From my own experience, I can share, that for more than one year I could not figure out what do I want to do in my life, how I want to do it and so on, even though I had a vision of this. The first two months were the most difficult because I realised that every day after I stopped working, the voice in my head was telling me: “you need to figure out something”, “you need to start earning money”, “you can’t just sit and do nothing”, “you need to work”. This voice was only making me more frustrated, so I started to talk to myself to change this abusive self-talk. I was telling to myself: “it is ok to get rest and do nothing, this is what you wanted so celebrate that”, “you will figure out everything when the time is right”, “you’ve been working so hard for so many years, you deserve to have few months break”, “stop thinking and worrying about the future, think and feel what you need right now, in this moment and just do this”.
The year of “doing nothing” was the most amazing year in my life and the greatest self-love lesson. I learned to love myself just for being, not for doing. I learned to love myself when I don’t know what to do, I learned to love myself without fancy clothes, makeup, successes, career, when I am angry, frustrated, sad, embarrassed, when I am in pain, when I try and fail. I learned that sometimes we chase big things in life, forgetting that all these small daily things and gestures are actually the greatest acts of love, self-love. Making or buying a good and healthy meal for ourselves, taking ourselves for a walk, talking gently to ourselves, physical activity in whatever form we like, creating a cozy space around for ourselves, asking for help when we need it and so much more.
Is it easy? No, it isn’t. The programs are really strong. But we are not our programs. We only have them and we decide if we use them or not.
Love is a life-long lesson. We constantly learn to love ourselves and others as we change and evolve and we interact.
There is no ending point to this lesson as there is no ending point for love.
Love is a journey and it always starts within.
Be good and gentle to yourself.
Love yourself especially when you experience difficulties, when you feel weak or sick. Love yourself when you don’t know what to do.
Love yourself when nobody is watching.
Love yourself with all your shades. Love your life no matter what and life will love you back.
Love is life and life is love.
You are love.
Picture: Adobe Stock, author: Lilya