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The next day Feelix woke up early in the morning, he had very vivid dreams. He wasn’t sure whether what he experienced the day before was just a dream or reality. Not knowing why, he ran quickly to check his helmet and he saw a little scratch on it, probably from the wooden walking stick of an old lady. The shivers ran through his body and that was the first time in his life he felt something like that and so intensely. He looked at his watch and it was 7 am. Usually, he wakes up a lot later! He remembered the old lady’s advice not to come too early, but he could not wait to meet her. He decided to go anyway and search for her house. He jumped on his motorbike, made a quick stop at the bakery to grab croissants for breakfast, hoping that this little bribe will reward his early arrival. Then he went to the place where they met. As he arrived there, he stopped and looked around and started to follow her way back. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but something was just pulling him in the unknown direction like if there was an invisible rope or string hanging from the sky, to which he was attached like a puppet and that string was just taking him ahead. His energy was so alive. Although he didn’t know what he was doing, he felt it was absolutely the right thing. He turned behind that corner, where Lyra turned yesterday. There was just another road, a street with buildings and cars, nothing special. He left his bike and started to walk. As he was passing one building after another, he suddenly saw a small street on the other side and he decided to go there, it just looked different and something within told him to go there. It was a little street with lots of trees and little bushes and no cars. It was too small for a car to pass through. There was only one house on that street. A little and cozy house with a big garden. 

“Pretty strange as for a city”- he thought. 

“But yeah, she is a strange lady too”- he thought again and smiled to himself

He came closer, the small gate leading to the garden was unlocked so he came in and walked along a little path leading to the house. As he was coming closer, he heard music playing in the house, he tried to look inside but he could not see anything, just a bit of some smoke and music. He started to hesitate whether he should knock or not….but he decided to do it anyway.

“Knock, knock, knock”- he knocked on the wooden door. 

Nobody was answering, he tried again and knocked three times. Suddenly he heard steps coming closer and closer and the doors started to open.

  • What are you doing here?!- asked Lyra with undisguised dissatisfaction
  • You said I cam come at any time- said Feelix with a big smile on his face, trying to fix the whole situation
  • Yes, but I told you not to come too early if you remember. Oh, you young people have such poor manners!- snarled Lyra again. She truly disliked being interrupted in her morning rituals.
  • You are right, but I could not wait to see if this was all true or just a dream! And I have some croissants!- said Feelix proudly with hope in his voice
  • Eeeaaahh! All right, my boy, as you are here already, I will let you in, it is just because of the croissants- she smiled. But, don’t think this rule shall apply again- she instructed him.
  • Promise!- he confirmed.
  • What are this smoke and music?- asked Feelix
  • It is my morning routine. But I didn’t get to a coffee yet as someone invaded my space- she laughed. Do you want a coffee with your croissant?- she asked.

He nodded.

  • So, my child, your curiosity and incredulity brought you here today, huh?- Lyra had already forgotten her little anxiety from a few minutes back
  • I was thinking about my name, because you said it is special, or unique, or something like that.
  • And? Have you figured this out?- Lyra smiled
  • Well, I checked the meaning of my name on the internet and it says that its origin is Roman and that it means ‘happy’, ‘lucky’. So it means that I am lucky and I should be happy?
  • And are you, Feel-ix?
  • Hmmm, I am not sure. I want to be happy, but I don’t feel this.
  • Well, my child, don’t think I am trying to cool down your enthusiasm, but sometimes what you want is one thing and what you feel is another thing…
  • Ohhh, I knew it won’t be so easy with you!- he laughed 
  • My child, life is in fact very easy and simple, it is just people making it complicated, but that is another story. You see, sometimes what you want is not what you really need. Sometimes what you want is what your head is telling you, your ego-mind. What you really need comes from the heart. When you experience what you need, what comes from your heart, you feel happy. So you see, it is very simple- she laughed jauntily
  • Yeah, sounds very simple but I don’t know how to do it, how to feel it…- answered Feelix with sadness on his face
  • You asked me about your name, Feel-ix and you did some research and homework- well done! I like when my students search for their answers…
  • You are a teacher?!- he interrupted her
  • Oh, Feelix, my child, I do a lot of things, but it doesn’t matter now. The most important thing is that you seek answers, you are curious about yourself and life. Have you heard this proverb: “Curiosity killed the cat?”
  • Yes, I did…- answered shortly Feelix
  • Well, my child, when people repeat it to themselves or what is even worse, to their children, they shut down their true nature. Curiosity, whether you are a child, adult or an old lady like me- she laughed- is what keeps you young, what keeps your spirit vivid and moves you forward to learn and discover. Curiosity ignites your creativity. Surely, as everything in life, if curiosity faces its dark side, people become nosy and interfering. Well, maybe it is those nosy people who keep repeating this awful mantra…?- she thought. Anyway, my child, everything has a meaning and we also give meaning to things in life. We give meaning with our intention. So it is very important where does the intention come from, the heart or the ego-mind. But this is another story, my child.- she laughed again
  • I can feel you have a lot of stories to talk about- said Feelix laughing as well
  • Oh, you can feel something, my child?- said Lyra with a scornful tone
  • Eeyyyaaeee….-Feelix didn’t know what to say 
  • Feel-ix, my child, I can tell you what I see, if you wish to hear it- Lyra never gives advice unasked, knowing that not everyone wants to hear what she sees in them
  • Sure, I do!- said Feelix with excitement
  • Feel-ix, the first part of your name- ‘Feel’- is related to feelings, your connection with feelings. And even though it may sound straight and simple, it is in fact very deep, as this is what feelings are about, the experience and depth. The ‘ix’ part is very interesting as well, my child. The ‘i’ is actually silent when you say your name, like it didn’t exist. The ‘i’ represents you, your ‘I’, ‘I am’. The ‘x’ as a symbol has a variety of meanings. In mathematics, it is a symbol of multiplication. In linguistics, the letter ‘x’ may emphasize or “hush-up” the preceding or following letter. You put ‘x’ when you give answers to the test. In the Christian religion, it is connected with Jesus Christ and his crucifixion, with his death, with the end. In Kabbalah, it is a symbol of both- life and death, the infinity. The ‘x’ refers to a cross, not only as a religious symbol, but as an energetic symbol of duality. Therefore life and death, love and hate, good and evil and so on. Some say, that ‘x’ is the most confusing letter. Why is that so, my child? As it represents the duality of nature. It may represent a choice. People tend to see only one side or another, either love or hate, either good or evil, either life or death….
  • I am even more confused now…- Feelix grabbed his head with his hands like he wanted to rip out his hair
  • It is good, my child, this is what makes you seek your own answers. And it is you who chose what matters to you, what meaning you give to your experience. You can use the cross as a swastika, build a philosophy around it and kill other people in the name of those ‘ideals’. You can use the cross to multiple 2 by 3 and get 6. To transcend the duality of two digits by multiplication and create one of greater value. It is all about the intention, intention is the meaning.
  • So, if my name is ‘feel’ and ‘ix’, does it mean that I am going to die because of my feelings as the i- which is me- is so small and hushed-up by the x, the death, the end?????- asked Feelix with serious concern and a bit of panic in his eyes
  • Hahahahaha, oh my child!- laughed genuinely Lyra! This is exactly what I am talking about- she laughed again and she prodded his shoulder.
  • You, people, have this tendency to focus on the dark side, so-called the negative side of things. I was just telling you that it is you who give meaning. If you want to see death, you will see death, if you want to see life, you will see life. And both are true. As they are one and the same. You need to be aware of both to experience wholeness. As wholeness is above life and death, good and evil, love and hate. But I am happy to see that you really seek a deeper meaning, you are on the right track! 
  • So, can you tell me what should I see deeper in my name?- asked Feelix hoping to get an immediate clear answer
  • Oh, my child, I told you, that you need to discover things for yourself because you give meaning to what you experience. I can only tell you, that I don’t see you dying from your feelings- she laughed. But use your feelings as a compass, this is what I can say. You decide whether your ‘i’ is visible of not…
  • Well, ok, then I have again a lot to think about!- said Feelix with a bit of relief and mixed feelings appearing on his face
  • No! Don’t think! Feel!- said Lyra sharply 
  • All right, all right, I will try….What is the story of your name, Lyra?
  • Oh, my child, my name is not important here- she smiled. It was a difficult lesson today, my child, I admire your patience and curiosity. You need to go now, as I have my work to do!
  • Work? I thought you retired or something….So you have a job?
  • Work, job, retirement, all these human labels and illusions of productivity and safety! It is so hilarious! Well, my child, I do what I am here to do because I love it. As I told you, I do many different things and just because I love them!
  • You are a really strange old woman!- he laughed. Oh, I apologise for calling you old, I hope you don’t feel offended?- asked Feelix with concern
  • Not at all! Age is just a number, we also give meaning to numbers, yet they are important for a different reason, another story, another day, my child!
  • So, how old are you, if I may ask? I am not able to figure this out- he asked waiting to hear something that would confirm his assumptions
  • Oh, my child, I am young and old at the same time. Numbers matter and don’t matter. Time is just an illusion. We will talk about it another time.
  • Oh, no, again…- he laughed. I guess you have a weird day today, hahaha!
  • You like that word, don’t you, my child? And I told you to leave already- she smiled.
  • All right, ok, I will be going
  • Go, go, go!

Lyra slammed the door behind Feelix and sat on her armchair laughing to herself.

Picture Source: Adobe Stock, author: ornitozavr


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